[Walk towards the podium with the phone in my hand]
[Bump into something, continue on][just shake hands without paying attention]
[Surprised] Oh, I am sorry..

This, is where the humanity has come! It’s as if, it has become too difficult to make the people smart, so we just decided to make their gadgets smarter and leave them in the hands of dumb people like me and make them look smart in the process!!

But really, just look at us.. while walking, eating, sitting, standing, .. on roads, parks, offices, cars.. each one of us, staring down into these Smart Phones! When we look back on history, I am sure we will call this the ‘Zombie Smartphone Generation’. This is where the “Skynet” takes over by the way – if you know what I mean.

Wives, kids, families.. yes, they are just peripherals now. Really, these phones are coming where no spouse has ever gone before! Bathrooms for one..? As if it’s not enough that we are carrying them in our pockets all the time, eying them over and over and listening to them, talking to them all the time.. They have become our real companions! You know what I think? Pretty soon, if these phones get really smart, they will demand an equal status as your spouse! You know how you fill out those forms where you have to write the name of your spouse? You will have to write the name of your phone here too!!

But here is what I like about phones.. we talk to them, yell at them, throw them in frustration, drop them down or even replace them with a younger model.. but they never answer back!….[pause]…. Ever tried all of this with your wife, and lived to share the experience?!

The smartphone revolution really changed our world. We have more than just a phone to play with now. You have your Youtube in there, the SMS, the News, Stock prices, Photos, Web, Netflix.. not to mention Email..the wallpaper has your family pictures. So you are looking at all this while sitting at the dining table, and your wife is disturbing you with her recipe, your kid is asking you some math problem, the dinner is not letting you type.. Quite unfortunate that the family hasn’t embraced your smart companion yet.

One of the things that amazes me about phones in general, is Texting.. it’s a tiny world out there.. you are trying real hard to punch in one key at a time on that little keyboard.. and then you are correcting the auto-completes and wrong keypresses [act it out]… whatever it is, you don’t stop texting. Texting while eating, texting while in a meeting, while in bed, in the bathroom [act as if you are sitting on the commode!!]… [pause].. or while you are driving.. [act].. that’s illegal now though..

So now the poor cop has to not only see if you are speeding, wearing a belt, or have strapped in your kids or not, but also has to look in the car while you are driving and make sure you don’t have a phone in your hand that’s getting its keys punched in by you!!!

.. Ever had to face angry texting?? So your wife is in a meeting and you just told her you forgot to get what she had told you to get from the mall.. and you get that “What” followed by 5 question marks!! And then a lonnnng texting pause.. Doesn’t that kill you already? I mean how do you fight when you are texting?.. these modern smartphones don’t even have physical keys anymore that you can bang on in anger!

Maybe like Facebook, they should have an Angry button that shakes the other phone violently! I think they need to get to that level of sophistication and smartness!

Well I know some of you are already looking at your phones to see if my time is up.. But this is not the end.. I am going to conclude with another speech on this soon.. Remember, I am not talking about some dumb human being here.. this is Smartphones we are talking about!!